yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I AM VODKA MAN
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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