i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
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Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Enjoy the penises