We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.