Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?