my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP