You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.