My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
