I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
