but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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