i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
