i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
