I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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