i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
please come you make the beer taste better
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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