Your tits are I can't wait for
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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