I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
