You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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