I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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