Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
