If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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