its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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