Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
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i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize