I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
