My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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