can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
