explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
