She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
