Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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