Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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