please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
As shirtless as possible
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
