so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
