why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
