I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
