I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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