That's intense
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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