If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
