I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
