Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
