guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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