Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Bring me that man meat
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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