my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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