I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
