We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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