i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
