Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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