I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
