Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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