I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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