You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
