Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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