i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
