dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
