I didn't shave. On purpose
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
