i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
