community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
please come you make the beer taste better
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
