Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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