is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
