No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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