Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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