Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
