so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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