He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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