my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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