I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize