Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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