I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
