I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
