I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
